"Therefore I loathe [my words] and abhor myself and repent in dust and ashes." (Job 42:6-- Amplified Bible)
Literally, I "spurn, cast away, disdain" myself and cause myself "to disappear." Here we see self yielding to the Almighty. I "disappear." What is it which John said? "[Jesus] must increase, but I must decrease." This same conclusion Job came to after the long duration of suffering, the suffering of great loss, of friends who were more like enemies, and the realization of utter futility in the attempt to understand life and the universe. This was indeed a broken man.
I recently took part in a "solemn assembly." It was a good attempt, but I did not sense in any of us (myself included) the heart of Job expressed in our text. In fact, and in reality, I must ask myself, "Have I ever come to this point?" I have been "down," hurting, known pain and heartache, but that is not enough; it does not "qualify" as repentance, as causing myself "to disappear." To tell the truth, I don't think it can be explained. It must come through impartation.
If you and I ask for a self abhorrent heart, a heart which has written on it, "I am crucified with Christ," we may need to be prepared for "the process" which brings us to such a state. Whatever it is, and whatever is involved, the result of such a heart in us Followers of Jesus Christ, would be life, community, and even nation changing.
Father, in Jesus' Name, I am afraid to pray for the "heart" of Job. Release me to pray it. Amen.
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